I'd never be able to measure up

So, that's it, I can never have kids because I could never be the mom my little sis' has become. Here's a glimpse into supermom's capabilities:

Pick sister up from airport. Stop at store.


Return home to help kids and their cousins create their own individual pizzas and decorate cookies. Host kick-ass slumber party. Have Sundae making activity next day.


Take sister shopping for parents. Know every person's size and exactly what to get.

Purchase five gifts in three different stores in under an hour, having trained the five year-old to keep pace while hapless single sister runs behind carrying three year-old.


Meet father and step-mom for lunch, assign seats so each child is flanked by adult. Order prescisely for each child, ensure each is eating while holding adult conversation.


Host Christmas Eve at home. Prepare five dishes for snacking, including an incredible warm artichoke-crab dip. Apologize profusely for not having prepared fresh cookies. Stop to enjoy a cranberry champagne coctail and a special Christmas shot.

Wrap and build Christmas gifts until 2am.

Manage wrapping paper clean-up as kids open gifts. Remove all tape from wrapping paper for proper recycling.

Serve delicious creme brulee french toast for Christmas breakfast, accompanied by mimosas for the adults.

Manage to keep peace among kids who won't share new toys.

Finish clean-up, collapse on the couch and let still hapless single sister dress the two year-old in the five-year-old's jeans.

I am still in awe of my sister. How does she not crack?