Dia del Amor

When I was in elementary school Valentine's Day was fun. Candy, cards for everyone in class, and you got to make construction paper cards for your mom or whomever. It was all about a whole world of red and pink candy coated love.

In high school, even if I didn't have any one boyfriend in particular, there was always a friend or some goofy guy who liked me that sent a rose or two to my class. I always felt loved and happy about it. I always sent roses, too.

Then I grew up and Valentine's Day got weird. A boyfriend I lived with helped a friend move that day and brought me a Japanese doll from the Goodwill pile for a present. I got mad because it seemed like it was thoughtless and last minute. I broke up with him a year later because he wasn't going anywhere in life that I wanted to go. He moved to Hawaii and tried to get me back a few times. I don't know where he is now.

The next boyfriend I had on Valentine's Day went out drinking with his friends and wasn't at his house at the time we had planned to meet. We lived 30 miles apart at the time. I left the present I had made for him with love, consideration and planning, telling his roommmate to tell him to fuck off when he got home. Later I got a phone call telling me how freaked out he got on Valentine's Day, what an asshole he felt like, and what a beautiful present I had put together. He broke up with me about a year and a half later because I was too, well, me, I guess. He is now married with a kid. One time he was at a party without his wife, and started to get a bit flirty talking about the fun times we had. I got away from him fast, like I should have done that Valentine's Day. Sometimes I see him around town and we are friendly.

Other boyfriends are kind of a blur as far as chronological order. One I was with on and off for about two years, he always managed to miss Valentine's Day, but I did score on my birthdays and Christmas' during that time, and for some reason, we shared two July 4th's. Another one really tried to do his Valentine's Day duty, got a hotel room, dinner reservations, flowers, everything a girl is suppossed to want. I had decided shortly before Valentine's Day to break it off with him, but didn't want to ruin his Valentine's plans, he'd been so thoughtful. I tried to fake it, but the truth always comes out. A month or so thereafter he hooked up with another woman and was all too proud to tell me about it. Take that, Valentine's Day faker!

A few years ago one of my guy friends who was just recovering from a divorce said, "Christmas hits you in the jaw, New Year's punches you in the stomach, and just when you're feeling good again, Valentine's Day comes along and kicks you in the balls."

I'd like to take a moment to declare, "Fuck you, Hallmark and all your stupid holidays!" Okay, it's probably not really Hallmark's fault. It's just that, Valentine's Day puts a lot of pressure on people. I know couples who've broken up over it. And while it's certainly not true across the board, I have the impression that a lot of men resent it, and try to just do the minimum to avoid hurting their woman.

I don't know, maybe it's just an annual relationship assessment opportunity, like New Year's resolutions. But it's so very public, everyone asking, "What are you going to do?" or "What did he do for you?"

For anyone out there that is truly celebrating a good relationship, good for you! For others, who are maybe just starting to date a person, or who are dating a few people trying to find the one that fits, or who are going through a divorce or a break up, or who are simply alone, Valentine's Day is an obnoxious boil on one's ass. It asks for clarification, causes questioning, and generally freaks those people out.

Don't get me wrong, I love Love. I've been in it a few times and looking forward to it happening again. So, to love in all it's beauty, because we must celebrate it when it is here. But please, don't force us to fake it once a year when the love is uncertain, or unclear.